Just Adorable
Is that person over there texting while driving? 

Well, I finally found a man, tumblr. I’m pretty sure he is my lobster. He’s witty and smart and attractive and treats me like a fucking princess. I’m not used to that…but I’m getting there. It’s about damn time. You’re all invited to the wedding.

Is that person over there texting while driving?

Well, I finally found a man, tumblr. I’m pretty sure he is my lobster. He’s witty and smart and attractive and treats me like a fucking princess. I’m not used to that…but I’m getting there. It’s about damn time. You’re all invited to the wedding.

Birthday dinner lookin FOINNNE!

Birthday dinner lookin FOINNNE!

I’m still alive.

I’m still alive.

Serious question

I have a first/blind coffee date tonight AND I have to go run directly after. Would it be completely inappropriate to wear my running clothes? I don’t want to have to try to change clothes in a coffee shop bathroom.

Introducing Professor Minnie McGonagall. ❤️

Introducing Professor Minnie McGonagall. ❤️

I’ve got about an hour to finish a paper on a marketing plan for a completely imaginary business, yet, here I am. 

Comment with your best blind date advice. Go!

I hate

- how much I let my weight loss success or failure control my self image.

- how I attribute my failures in dating directly to my weight.

- how I let my failures in dating control my self image.

- my self image.

- this cycle.

My hair is almost long enough to do those cover your nipples with your hair pictures. Happy Wednesday.

My hair is almost long enough to do those cover your nipples with your hair pictures. Happy Wednesday.

I woke up like this! 

I’m growing exceedingly weary of the dating game. Getting dressed up only to be disappointed. It’s heavy shit, bro. There was an episode of Medium where Allison could see symbols on people’s heads and the matching ones were soulmates. I wish that were real. Hey guys, I’m a crescent moon; any other moons out there that want to go get some coffee? Instead, I’m left here to weed out the losers and douchebags. But hey, I’m fucking fabulous and I’m just going to have to wait until my prince shows up. But seriously, WHERE ARE THE CRESCENT MOONS?!

I woke up like this!

I’m growing exceedingly weary of the dating game. Getting dressed up only to be disappointed. It’s heavy shit, bro. There was an episode of Medium where Allison could see symbols on people’s heads and the matching ones were soulmates. I wish that were real. Hey guys, I’m a crescent moon; any other moons out there that want to go get some coffee? Instead, I’m left here to weed out the losers and douchebags. But hey, I’m fucking fabulous and I’m just going to have to wait until my prince shows up. But seriously, WHERE ARE THE CRESCENT MOONS?!

- I have deduced that my Prozac is causing me to gain weight. I’ve gained over 20lbs back of what I lost for no good raisin. Let’s welcome back my uncontrollable anxiety and OCD as well as my svelte figure.

- I’m watching strange sex and this dude has a balloon fetish. Balloons.

- I’m back to online dating and I already want to murder everything. How on earth can I not find a normal single guy?

- Speaking of SINGLE guys, a guy I previously dated for a short while friended me on Facebook. He’s all yeah come over, what happened, I really liked you, blah blah blah. Well like a day later he was “in a relationship” with a girl on Facebook. Ok. Well THEN a week or so later I see he has a match.com profile and he’s active. Dude. You’re fucking it up for all guys everywhere.

- Prepare yourselves for the crazy train as I come down off my Prozac.

- Choochoo.

Nailed it.

Nailed it.

Just found a cockroach in a CULVER’s sandwich. Going to go bleach my insides.

Just found a cockroach in a CULVER’s sandwich. Going to go bleach my insides.